I heard from someone you're still pretty

Songs motivate me to want to learn guitar. There are two songs in particular: John Doyle's Morning Dew and Iron & Wine's Upward Over the Mountain. I have been picking up the guitar most days, teaching my fingers to curve over the strings, learning E major and minor chords, C, straining to reach G, feeling the wire cut into my skin, awkwardly holding a pick and trying to make sense of it. It's a beautiful instrument.

Heather went on a rant about oboe last night at the Sequentia concert that I thought was hilarious but also true. Oboe is a really pretty instrument. I've struggled with calling it that for years now, but I firmly believe that all instruments have the potential to be beautiful, it mostly depends on the passion of the person playing it. So it is. It also requires a LOT of maintenance. And this can be frustrating when you don't know what you are doing. Or particularly want to learn what you are doing.
So I am slowly abandoning it. Yes. I am letting oboe go.
I would really like to give it to a freshman music major who loves oboe but couldn't necessarily afford one. Or donate it to the oboe studio. Because oboe is not an instrument that you can just pick up and play. As I said before, it requires maintenance.
I realize that guitar requires maintenance too. But I am excited to learn about that maintenance. When Tracey showed me how to tune a guitar last semester, I felt as if I had achieved something.
Does this sound weird? That learning to tune a guitar would be a momentous occasion in my life? Probably.
But, if I was to look deeper, I would see that being able to tune the guitar is an affirmation of something I can do that I thought I couldn't. Much like pouring cement. Biking past the loop. Possibly going to New York this summer to teach a course. Telling my Dad I didn't feel comfortable going to church with them on holidays.

There is still negativity in my life. I've come to realize that a lot of it is my reactions to experiences and events around me. I'm considering Buddhism and whenever I feel myself becoming stressed or agitated, just thinking about it calms me down. I also think about Dr. Smith's house and Dr. Mariani's amazing studio.
And admitting and pursuing what makes me happy has helped. I had an amazing conversation with Tracey on Friday, and at one moment we talked about being more drawn to social/psychological issues than global issues. I've also come to acknowledge that I am drawn to writing, art, theater, and music. I feel like in the past I've fostered my writing and music, but starting last semester and continuing into this one, I've nurtured it.

I also am coming to realize that I want to teach. I don't think I really want to work for a non-profit or do social justice work. I don't think social justice and teaching have to be exculsive. But I want to teach creative non-fiction. I had a moment thinking about teaching creative non-fiction as a means of empowering people. Writing can be a powerful medium for healing. But also for change. Touch people in ways they don't expect. Find a way to make that statistic into a story.

Ty played the theme for Lady in the Water in Dr. Mariani's studio on Thursday. The part of the song that I think is some of the most powerful notes in music (I will attach a link to them at the end of this post) stayed with my for the remainder of the evening. The music brought up scenes from the movie--especially moments where they talk about the universe aligning and every being having a purpose.
As I was laying on my bed, replaying the notes in my mind, and the words, I felt a sense of profound purpose.
And I think that purpose is to teach.

Here's a link. Mostly I want you guys to watch the movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bmp1SlODtK8&feature=related